“The suffering endured represents an obstacle to any new attempt at remarriage” (2/2) March 29, 2026
The second marriage often raises more questions than the first because of social pressure, emotional wounds and economic realities. This is what sociologist Souleymane Lo explains. In this interview, he discusses the obstacles, the fears and the conditions necessary to calmly approach a new commitment.
Why do many future newlyweds, especially those who have been through a divorce, feel fearful when it comes to making a new commitment?
Marriage constitutes one of the most restrictive social facts within African societies. At the age when it becomes a possibility, society recognizes no valid pretext for an individual to avoid it. In this regard, the social pressure is such, depending on the environment and the duration of celibacy, that we often feel an obligation, despite ourselves, to commit. This implies that the desire to get married is not necessarily in line with our own aspirations. So, getting married for the first time is a necessary step.
However, in the event of failure, it is wise to reflect before committing again. This is why hesitation is common among those who have had painful experiences such as divorce. They can be interpreted through psychological, economic and moral factors.
Read also: When (re) taking the plunge makes you lose your footing (1/2)
What exactly are these psychological, economic and moral factors?
The experience of endured suffering, often perceived as a perverse effect of a coveted ideal of a fulfilled life, frequently represents an obstacle to any new attempt at remarriage. Indeed, it is common to project onto the new partner the image of the old one, who, far from fulfilling the promises, has generated more suffering than happiness. This phenomenon of projection is one of the psychological traps in which the individual can find themselves after an aborted romantic relationship.
On an economic level, the difficult living conditions encountered during previous unions push us to reconsider the idea of marriage, leading us to understand that love cannot be reduced to a simple game of feelings or beautiful words. With this in mind, for the woman, it is essential to meet the providential man, rather than fantasizing about Prince Charming. For the man, the emphasis is placed on the qualities and financial stability of the partner rather than on aesthetic considerations. This reflects an approach where the behavior adopted before a second marriage is more in line with pragmatic rationality than with value rationality (a form of rationality where the value of the action takes precedence over the result).
From a moral point of view, the hesitation to commit again often results from the fear of being stigmatized as a woman or man with an unfortunate destiny, whose parents are little aware of the sacredness of marriage. The prospect of a second divorce weighs heavily on the man or woman, causing him or her to be reluctant to commit to a new partner.
What are the tips to better understand this phase?
Given these factors, it is essential to understand that the success of a second marriage does not rest solely on an evaluation of the economic, moral or psychological elements which may have contributed to the failure of the first. While it is crucial to reflect on these dimensions in order to learn from them and avoid past mistakes, it is equally important to not let these negative factors become heavy weights that weigh down our path to new happiness.
Indeed, making these elements a true “guardian angel” can sometimes distance us from the very essence of the marital commitment which is a sacred act in many cultures and religions. Thus, it is necessary to find a delicate balance between the wisdom acquired from our previous experiences and the open-mindedness necessary to welcome the newness of a relationship.
It would be beneficial to approach this new stage with a positive spirit, focusing on the enrichments that a new partner can bring while remaining aware of the challenges that echoes from the past may pose. Having strong social support, such as friends or couples counselors, and participating in activities that promote emotional well-being can also be crucial to moving through this phase with confidence and optimism.
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